umbrellas

When it rains it pours, right?! I have been feeling in my soul much like this week's weather forecast...cloudy, rainy and more rain. Rain, rain go away!  I have been feeling so overwhelmed ,just being tired with no end in sight. not just because of the list of things to accomplish ,but just the emotional strain of raising children with special needs, a young toddler, so many special food allergies, feeling isolated on the farm,  not having friends, being so financially strapped...

As I am heading out to pick up B after the weekend with his brother and his uncle, I am in the car with baby praying and crying out to God. Begging God to relieve me, asking God for an end in sight, begging God for better way of living. I'm tired of gloom, rain and clouds. It feels like a northern Michigan winter!

 I was reminded of something that I read recently and had written down, thinking that it was good. It said "then I will sing in the shadow of your wings".

So my first thought was okay, I need to sing and praise God for all the good that I have in my life, as opposed to paying attention to the hardships and trials. And then I was thinking how I feel like I'm in the shadows... like the shadows are overwhelming and it doesn't feel like God's shadow- rather the shadow from the valley of the shadow of death that I feel in my soul.

 But as I thought about the verse again I realize that for me, as a believer, when I am in the shadows it COULD be because I'm not walking as I am supposed to, and that my focus is wrong. But on the other hand, the shadows that I am under are really the shadows of His wings.

After having raised turkeys, this makes much more sense. When you see a mama bird with her baby and how closely she keeps them, or how she called to them and they hurry underneath her wings...it give rise to a better understanding.  When God calls to me I should quickly run under his wings, and his wings are always there. He's always watching over me and looking out for me and calling to me. He's not out to give me shadows and rain on purpose. He's trying to make me grow up...his way.

I need to see him as having his wings spread out for protection, as an umbrella. How often I talk to the girls about how God's protection is like an umbrella.  It only works of you stand under him. The umbrella won't keep me dry of I run ahead!  I realize that I need to spend more time relying on God for everything... he is supposed to be my everything, is supposed to be my all and all. And maybe I am at this lonely place so that I learn to need and rely on him in a way I could not otherwise do.

I was thinking about how what I really want right now is to satisfy the craving deep within me by indulging in sugar and chocolate. Its So good to get that sugar high and that feeling of calm that comes over you. I realize what an addiction that sounds like! I know the sugar and chocolate are acceptable, but not when you have used them in that way. I need to spend more time longing for Christ, rather than looking for other things to fill me up.

I think so much of our world is caught up in that same manner. I know people who fill their addictions in any number of ways and I understand that. We do what we do because we're looking for fulfillment.  I'm in the doldrums of life, just like everybody else. But I want to rise on His wings and fly above this ole' world! The Maker shows me in a thousand ways that he loves me...I will choose to sing under his wings.

When I choose obedience, even when I'm so tired and I really don't want to (like I expect of my kids even when they're tired!!)  Or when I choose to pray "Lord, teach me to treat all that comes to me with peace of soul and form conviction that Your will governs all" --it is then that I will be able to sing. Singing at not come easy, but what a pleasant thought it is to stay on the house on a dreary day and sing, even I'm the shadows.

He knows my name, he knows my needs, he has not forsaken me. I need to sing and take a step of obedience in showing that I trust his plan ( and maybe just throw MY plans out!) And pick up my umbrella and go play in the shadows. (I'll have lots of opportunities to do that this rainy week!)

This was written some time ago and I've learned something more about feeling overwhelmed. God doesn't want me to be overwhelmed. He has put what he has put in my life for a reason. Not to overwhelm me but to teach me and make me more like him. Overwhelmed is a frame ofind and it is not one of trust and surrender. I had this mental picture if trying to hold sand in my hand and it all slipping through the cracks. No matter how much I want to hold all my pieces...I just cannot. So then the picture II had was one of God filling the cracks in so that I could hold all of my pieces. And then I thought...no, that isn't even accurate. I don't want to hold the pieces. My hands are broken and worthless. I prayed,"Lord,you take all of my pieces and do whatever you want with them. I am done. It's your turn. You take over!" This has been the attitude of my mind for nearly two months. The peace that He has given and the lack of stress...until I forget and try to hold sand again...is amazing! I am so thankful to have the "peace that passes all understanding!"

Bathing a buck and other tidbits

Our house stinks so badly that no one wants to love on this big baby! In order to give him a bigger collar, trim hooves and horns we had to first bathe him. You see, fit season is coming on and he is getting ready. Scent glands near his horns are producing oil in abundance. He ribs on everything and leaves an odor that is beyond description. He also likes his brand of cologne and seems to attract the girls this way. Which way? Well, he urinates on his beard and legs and drinks it. Boy is he strong
 Guess his mama never told him that a little goes a long way! As soon as I got him rinsed he figured too much smell was gone and started the process again...sigh... At least I got his hooves and one horn done! And then took immediate abrasive showers!

These are beets and horseradish from the garden. I used the beets to make a beet cake. I decided I will have to try this with green zucchini at Christmas! As you can see, Z thought it was delicious. Now O need to come up with time to pickle and freeze the other 50 beets. Good thing most of the girls like beets!

Elderberries G and I picked from one patch. We are drying and selling them. This box was solidly filled...a 18x8 box. So far I have about 15 cups of dried berries and half of the box to go. I have made elderberry syrup and elderberry tincture. Lots of dried berries for tea and to sell. $1.50 per 1/2 cup.

FYI...when you handle a buck during rut. . . use disposable gloves. The leather one of B's are so strong even after being in the rain and sun for a week. . . I don't want them in my house or even in my washer!!

Ashley Down Farm

C is home and life is getting back to a new normal again. School is still a month away, although we keep up with math and reading all summer. OT will continue until some undetermined time.

In the meantime we are busy harvesting elderberries to use for ourselves and to sell. I have been letting A practice driving while she takes me around looking for new patches. By default we found a plum thicket at the end of our road! Amazing. I was thinking of Little House's On the Banks of Plum Creek. I know Ma made preserves and probably dried them. I tried drying some last year but the skin is sooooo sour it isnt worth it. We suck out the insides and give the skins to the chickens!

The garden has not done well this year...I guess I have to actually get out there to beat the bugs!! Actually the volunteer pumpkin and squash plants are doing well. Cukes took over. Berries are coming nicely.

We have had a name for our farm for some time, but are trying some things to bring in revenue and to give people a taste of life on a farm and to be able to expose them to good food.

Our name is Ashley Down Farm. The name came from the name of a street in England in the 1800's. A missionary, George Müeller, ran orphan homes.  (One on Ashley Down) He NEVER once asked anyone for money or supplies. Not even food when they had none. He prayed. He relied on God to provide as He saw fit. And in his autobiography he has some amazing stories of God's miraculous provisions...down to the penny. It is our desire to have that kind of faith. And living on a farm you do need faith!

Next year B and I are planning to expand the garden to double the size, although I am hoping to fill in 1/4 of it with more berries. We want to plant Goji berries and try farmer's market. We are having a soap-making mother daughter party here this fall and in the spring I have planned an heirloom plant planting party and a spring farm day party. We are hoping to get more meat birds...now that I can get organic feed, and hoping to expand our flock of egg layers. We are going to plant 8 more fruit trees. It is our hope to make some money, yes; but it is also our hope to pay the girls for their involvment, thus motivating the younger girls to learn better work ethic. Doesn't everyone want to get rewarded for their involvment?! I know I do!

So it sounds like I could use some extra hands this coming year....come on out!!